Understanding our outer actions and reactions – We cannot reach anyone until we have first “reached” ourselves. We cannot understand anyone until we first understand ourselves. Until we do understand ourselves, we should be quite humble about “what other people do to us” and what “other people” do to us is based on what they “see us doing to ourselves and them.”(We teach others how to treat us.)There is no blame; no one is at fault here. There is certainly room for honesty about ourselves. We can help anyone until we have helped ourselves. Until we have complete control of our own natures we are bound to be frustrated with others by expecting them to do the things we think they should be doing. We tend to blame others instead of looking how out of control our actions are.
The first principle of working on our own improvement is to accept the responsibility for our self and the part we play in every relationship. Each of us must take the necessary actions to become aware of our actions and how they affect the people in our circles of influence. No one in the world can “do anything to us” that we don’t allow, permit, or agree to. We always have a choice. We can always do something to improve our condition. If we allow ourselves to shift the responsibility for our actions to others, we have given away our personal power to them. We have thereby limited ourselves. No one can help us but ourselves. No one can give us anything to help us until we choose to be helped.
We are the responsible party – in every case of hard feelings, in every case of failure, we much are honest with ourselves and look to see how we have created these negative situation. To achieve harmony with others this is our intent and our goal in life (whether we call it love or shared expression, or mutuality, or progress). We must discipline ourselves to accept our own responsibility.
Our reactions – with and around others simply reflect back to us, like a mirror, what we are showing to them. We must understand and learn that the processes for our actions/reactions in our lives are in three stages:
First: is our real intent.
Second: is our action showing others our real intent?
Third: is our reaction to others showing them our real intent? (Note our reaction is based on their response to our action back to you.)
The first stage is being certain we have direct control over our own thinking to the point that we are consciously in charge of “how we express our intent”. This shows us that we must be consciously aware of what it is we want to fully express at this moment in our lives. With the knowledge that this has been accomplished, we must then consciously take charge of our mechanism of expression (our traits, our structure, and our build) so that we know we can express our intent as effectively as we know how.
Our challenge in expression – This is the second stage, is the control of the mechanism of expression. In many ways, it is the most difficult of the three. To contain a thought is easier than to express it effectively. It is the same problem always – “straining the spirit (intent) through the sieve of the traits (expression) in other words – our light may be quite bright “under the bushel” – but it has trouble “shining through”
If we want to be understood we must first understand – the third stage is our reaction to the reaction of others. This is the one we ‘feel’ most about – this is the one that can hurt. There is something so inexplicable’ about the way “other people” act; it will always be a mystery to us – but then, other people are not our responsibility. We have to take charge of ourselves – and it is very hard not to be hurt by the seeming lack of understanding and lack of appreciation others return when we try to share, or express our feeling, with them.
We must expect of others only what we expect of ourselves. When lack of knowledge about ourselves and the differences in how our mechanism (Traits) work, we can expect to be misunderstood. If we learn about ourselves our traits then we will know how to be more understanding about why others misunderstanding us. If we learn to understand ourselves and how our trait work we can understand exactly what others reactions reflect back to us and then we can be more of our true self.